Sophos is planning free virus and spyware scans for members of the Klingon empire, with a new antivirus product now available for those who speak the Star Trek-inspired language. Klingon Anti-Virus is due to launch in July according to this Sophos Web Page, although the software appears to be already available for download.

Supporting Windows 2000, XP and Vista, Klingon Anti-Virus can be run without deactivating your current anti-virus software, according to Sophos. The security firm says the software can "quickly perform an on-demand scan and find viruses, spyware, adware, zero-day threats, Betazoid sub-ether porn diallers and Tribbles that your existing protection might have missed".

However, the company warns that the software has compatibility issues "with the version of msxml4.dll used by cloaking devices on Romulan-modded D7-class battle cruisers. Installing this software on such vessels is punishable by ordeal of Ginst'a'Ed".

The Klingon language was originally devised by linguist Marc Okrand for the Star Trek universe, but a number of devoted Trekkies have learned to converse in it. Klingon is now the most widely spoken fictional language in the world, according to the Guinness Book of World.

Why did we translate it into Klingon?
Our routine monitoring of sub-space transmissions alerted Sophos that the loss of the Klingon battlecruiser Klothos was not due to Romulan incursion into the Khitomer system, but a result of trying to remove VBS/PeachyPDF-A from the battle computer using M'swoN'kar after Commander Kor opened an attachment from the system S'cam-419.

Immediately our Product Marketing away team embarked on a mission to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and flog them Network Access Control solutions. Sadly they chose Qo'noS as their first destination and when their severed heads were beamed back to Sophos, the engineering team created this software, not in a spontaneous display of gratitude to the Klingon race (as the Register would have you believe) but to honour their memory.