ya know one thing we havent got is a general funny sticky, everywhere over the internet are funny Trek stories articles and pictures and jokes.. The truth is out there! if you see them PLEASE post them here they dont all have to be funny, they can be wierd or bizarre, like the fact that a real actualy working COM badge has been invented and may phase out mobile phones in the future, or that a company has actualy built a Trek Tricorder that you connect to your PC to upload data..
ok heres my first contribution, its the first picture of the new klingon M'Ped scout ship

Well the scout ships career begins with a bad link The picture isn't there

Fixed it... i hope it uh... works now ... heh i just found this

Top 10 Things I Hate About Star Trek

10. Noisy doors.
You can't walk three feet in a starship without some door whooshing or screeching at you. My office building has automatic sliding doors. They're dead silent. If those doors went "wheet!" every time a person walked through them, about once a month some guy in accounting would snap and go on a shooting rampage. Sorry Scotty, the IEEE has revoked your membership until you learn to master WD-40

9. The Federation.
This organization creeps me out. A planet-wide government that runs everything, and that has abolished money. A veritable planetary DMV. Oh sure, it looks like a cool place when you're rocketing around in a Federation Starship, but I wonder how the guy driving a Federation dump truck feels about it?


And everyone has to wear those spandex uniforms. Here's an important fact: Most people, you don't want to see them in spandex. You'd pay good money to not have to see them. If money hadn't been abolished, that is. So you're screwed.

8. Reversing the Polarity.
For cripes sake Giordi, stop reversing the polarity of everything! It might work once in a while, but usually it just screws things up. I have it on good authority that the technicians at Starbase 12 HATE that. Every time the Enterprise comes in for its 10,000 hour checkup, they've gotta go through the whole damned ship fixing stuff. "What happened to the toilet in Stateroom 3?" "Well, the plumbing backed up, and Giordi thought he could fix it by reversing the polarity."


Between Scotty's poor lubrication habits and Geordi's damned polarity reversing trick, it's a wonder the Enterprise doesn't just spontaneously explode whenever they put the juice to it.

7. Seatbelts.
Yeah, I know this one is overdone, but you'd think that the first time an explosion caused the guy at the nav station to fly over the captain's head with a good 8 feet of clearance, someone would say, "You know, we might think of inventing some furutistic restraining device to prevent that from happening." So of course, they did make something like that for the second Enterprise (the first one blew up due to poor lubrication), but what was it? A hard plastic thing that's locked over your thighs. Oh, I'll bet THAT feels good in the corners. "Hey look! The leg-bars worked as advertised! There goes Kirk's torso!"

6. No fuses.
Every time there's a power surge on the Enterprise the various stations and consoles explode in a shower of sparks and throw their seatbelt-less operators over Picard's head. If we could get Giordi to stop reversing the polarity for a minute, we could get him to go shopping at the nearest Starship parts store and pick up a few fuses. And while he's shopping, he could stop at an intergalactic IKEA and pick up a few chairs for the bridge personnel. If you're going to put me in front of a fuseless exploding console all day, the least you could do is let me sit down.

5. Rule by committee.
Here's the difference between Star Trek and the best SF show on TV last year:

Star Trek:

Picard: "Arm photon torpedoes!"
Riker: "Captain! Are you sure that's wise?"
Troi: "Captain! I'm picking up conflicting feelings about this! And, it appears that you're a 'fraidy cat."
Wesley: "Captain, I'm just an annoying punk, but I thought I should say something."
Worf: "Captain, can I push the button? This is giving me a big Klingon warrior chubby."
Giordi: "Captain, I think we should reverse the polarity on them first."
Picard: "I'm so confused. I'm going to go to my stateroom and look
pensive."

Firefly:

Captain: "Let's shoot them."
Crewman: "Are you sure that's wise?"
Captain: "Do you know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I'll BEAT YOU WITH until you realize who's in command."
Crewman: "Aye Aye, sir!"

4. A Star Trek quiz:
Kirk, Spock, McCoy, and 'Ensign Gomez' beam down to a planet. Which one isn't coming back?

3. Technobabble.
The other night, I couldn't get my car to start. I solved the problem by reversing the polarity of the car battery, and routing the power through my satellite dish. The resulting subspace plasma caused a rift in the space-time continuum, which created a quantum tunnelling effect that charged the protons in the engine core, thus starting my car. Child's play, really. As a happy side-effect, I also now get the Spice Channel for free.

2. The Holodeck.
I mean, it's cool and all. But do you really believe that people would use it to re-create Sherlock Holmes mysteries and old-west saloons? Come on, we all know what the holodeck would be used for. And we also know what the worst job on the Enterprise would be: Having to squeegie the holodeck clean.

1. The Prime Directive.
How stupid is this? Remember when Marvin the Martian was going to blow up the Earth, because it obstructed his view of Venus? And how Bugs Bunny stopped him by stealing the Illudium Q36 Space Modulator? Well, in the Star Trek universe, Bugs would be doing time. Probably in a room filled with Roseanne lookalikes wearing spandex uniforms, walking through doors going WHEET! all day. It would be hell. At least until the Kaboom. The Earth-shattering Kaboom.

100 reasons why Kirk is better then Picard

100. Kirk is a leader, not a follower.
99. Kirk never really got into that kinky "Jumpsuit" look.
98. Kirk has sex more than once a season.
97. One Word: Hair.
96. Another Word: Pretty-good-looking-can't-see-the-weave-WIG.
95. Kirk can beat up a Klingon bare-handed.
94. Picard is a French man with an English accent.
93. Kirk would date Beverly Crusher -- and damn the consequences!!
92. Kirk never drinks tea. Ever.
91. Diplomacy for Kirk is a phaser and a smirk.
90. Kirk would personally throw Wesley off his bridge.
89. Two words: Shoulder Roll.
88. Kirk doesn't wear dresses when admirals arrive for lunch.
87. Kirk once said: "I've got a belly-ache -- and it's a beauty."
86. Kirk would never sing to children in a crisis.
85. Kirk can almost drive a stick shift.
84. Kirk, almost single-handedly, re-populated the Earth's whale population.
83. Kirk says "Prime Directive? What Prime Directive?"
82. Kirk knows 20th Century curses.
81. Kirk was NEVER infiltrated by the Borg and used against the Federation.
80. Kirk ate little coloured cubes and still remained relatively healthy.
79. Kirk made do with obviously low performance technology.
78. Kirk never pretends to be a barber in order to gain a tactical advantage.
77. Kirk wasn't shy about taking his shirt off--even around those pesky Yeomans.
76. Kirk would never waste a holodeck on something stupid like Dixon Hill.
75. Kirk never once stood up and had to straighten his shirt.
74. One Word: Velour.
73. Kirk can beat a Vulcan at Chess.
72. When Kirk was Picard's age, he retired from Admiral and took to climbing rocks.
71. When Picard was 37, he was only Captain of the lowly freighter, Stargazer. When Kirk was 37, he was Captain of the flagship Enterprise.
70. Kirk liked a good belt of liquor every now and again.
69. One Word: Iman.
68. Kirk looks good with a ripped shirt.
67. If Kirk ever met a Ferengi, he would rip off its head and **** down its neck.
66. Kirk says "Shoot first and wait for retaliation."
65. Kirk's first officer NEVER tells him to stay on the bridge.
64. Kirk never leaves the room to bawl somebody out.
63. Kirk doesn't rely on the wisdom of some dumb old janitor to get him out of intergalactic scrapes.
62. Two Words: Funky Sideburns.
61. Kirk never asks his bartender for advice.
60. Kirk never once said "Abandon ship! All hands abandon ship!"
59. Kirk is not politically correct.
58. Kirk never got "dumped" by a woman for an intergalactic busy body named after a letter of the alphabet.
57. Kirk never wore green tights and frolicked about in Sherwood Forest.
56. If there was ever a Klingon on Kirk's bridge, Kirk would likely be dead.
55. Ever hear of a bar shooter called "Make it so?" No? How about a "Beam me up Scotty" then? See the difference?
54. One Word: Miniskirts.
53. Kirk's girlfriends always look good in soft light.
52. Kirk never went anywhere without a whole bunch of guys in red shirts.
51. Kirk's first officer didn't play some wimpy instrument like the trombone.
50. Kirk had more dates than his first officer.
49. The extent of Kirk's knowledge of Klingon vocabulary can be roughly translated as "GO F*CK YOURSELF."
48. If something doesn't speak English -- it's toast.
47. Kirk wasn't some prissy archaeology fan.
46. Picard's middle name isn't tough or awe-inspiring like Tiberius is.
45. If Kirk finds a strange spinning probe, he blows it up.
44. Picard never met Joan Collins.
43. Picard flunked his entrance exams to Starfleet.
42 Picard hasn't fathered any children; Kirk -- probably millions.
41. Kirk has a cool phaser -- not some pansy Braun mix-master.
40. Two Words: Line Delivery.
39. Picard grew up on a quaint little French vineyard, squishing grapes with his toes, while Kirk slung bails of wheat and hay in Iowa to put himself through school.
38. Kirk emphasizes his orations with pertinent hand gestures.
37. Kirk once made a cannon out of bamboo, sulphur, potassium nitrate, charcoal and then fired diamonds into the hearts of his enemies. (Need we say more?)
36. Kirk is not put off by green skin.
35. Kirk knows how to deal with peace loving hippy goofs.
34. Kirk once fought a Greek god. And won.
33. Kirk barely asks for suggestions. And if he does, he asks Spock only.
32. Kirk doesn't let the doctor tell him what to do.
31. One Word: Fisticuffs.
30. Kirk's name is hated throughout the galaxy.
29. Kirk appreciates Shakespeare, but he doesn't let it show.
28. You can never lock up Kirk for very long.
27. Kirk's eulogies can actually make you cry.
26. Kirk plays god with lesser cultures, and then exploits them for resources.
25. Kirk's son would never drop out to become a musician.
24. Kirk can climb up a Jeffries Tube and fix anything.
23. Kirk never hired an engineer with punk glasses.
22. The Klingons didn't have a word for surrender -- until they met Kirk.
21. Kirk's bridge is not beige.
20. Two Words: Crane Shots.
19. Picard likes wimpy violin music -- and coerces Data into playing it.
18. Picard allows cats on board, while Kirk beams away even really cute things, like Tribbles.
17. Kirk is a cultural icon -- Picard is just some guy who's really nice.
16. Kirk specifically ordered a swivel LA-Z-BOY for the bridge.
15. Kirk would never touch SYNTHAHOL.
14. Kirk looks distinguished in reading glasses -- and nobody dares to call him"four eyes."
13. Kirk can infiltrate Gangsters, Nazis, and even the Pentagon -- easily.
12. Picard likes painting nudes, for art's sake.
11. When Kirk doesn't trust the Romulans, he fires at them. When Picard doesn't trust the Romulans, he gets fired at.
10. Kirk never once, ever,wore a wiener wrapping Speedo banana hammock on shore leave.
9. Kirk never gets his command codes locked out by some pimply acting ensign.
8. Kirk doesn't test the engines -- he just fires them up.
7. When Kirk says "Boldly Go," he MEANS it.
6. Three Words: Flying Leg Kick
5. Picard's crew would never ever think of him as a sexual object.
4. Kirk traveled through The Great Barrier, met God, and wasn't even impressed.
3. Kirk's bedroom is a passion pit with electric sheets.
2. Kirk would never let his Chief of Security wear a ponytail.
1. One Word: Balls.

Star Trek TNG Meets Microsoft

Picard:
Mr. LaForge, have you had any success with your attempts at
finding a weakness in the Borg? And Mr. Data, have you been able
to access their command pathways?

Geordi:
Yes, Captain. In fact, we found the answer be searching through
our archives on late twentieth-century computing technology.

Geordi presses a key, and a logo appears on the computer screen.

Riker [puzzled]:
What the hell is Microsoft?

Data [turns to explain]:
Allow me to explain. We will send this program, for some reason
called Windows, through the Borg command pathways. Once
inside their root command unit, it will begin consuming resources
at an unstoppable rate.

Picard:
But the Borg have the ability to adapt. Won't they alter their
processing systems to increase their storage capacity?

Data:
Yes, Captain. But when Windows detects this, it creates
a new version of itself known as an upgrade. The use of resources
increases exponentially with each iteration. The Borg will not
be able to adapt quickly enough. Eventually all of their processing
ability will be taken over and none will be available for their
normal operational functions.

Picard:
Excellent work. This is even better than that unsolvable
geometric shape idea.

...15 Minutes later...

Data:
Captain, we have successfully installed the Windows in the
Borg's command unit. As expected, it immediately consumed 85% of all
available resources. However, we have not received any confirmation
of the expected upgrade.

Geordi:
Our scanners have picked up an increase in Borg storage and CPU
capacity, but we still have no indication of an upgrade to
compensate for their increase.

Picard:
Data, scan the history banks again and determine if there is
something we have missed.

Data:
Sir, I believe there is a reason for the failure in the upgrade.
Apparently, the Borg have circumvented that part of the plan by
not sending in their registration cards.

Riker:
Captain, we have no choice. Requesting permission to begin
emergency escape sequence 3F!

Geordi [excited]:
Wait, Captain! Their CPU capacity has suddenly dropped to 0%!

Picard:
Data, what do your scanners show?

Data [studying displays]:
Apparently the Borg have found the internal Windows module
named Solitaire, and it has used up all available CPU capacity.

Picard:
Let's wait and see how long this Solitaire can reduce their
functionality.

...Two Hours Pass...

Riker:
Geordi, what is the status of the Borg?

Geordi:
As expected, the Borg have attempted to reengineer to compensate
for increased CPU and storage demands, but each time they
successfully increase resources I have set up our closest deep
space monitor beacon to transmit more Windows modules from
something called the Microsoft Fun Pack.

Picard:
How much time will that buy us?

Data:
Current Borg solution rates allow me to predict an interest
time span of 6 more hours.

Geordi:
Captain, another vessel has entered our sector.

Picard:
Identify.

Data:
It appears to have markings very similar to the Microsoft logo

[over the speakers]:
This is Admiral Bill Gates of the Microsoft flagship Monopoly.
We have positive confirmation of unregistered software in this sector.
Surrender all assets and we can avoid any trouble. You have 10
seconds to comply.

Data:
The alien ship has just opened its forward hatches and released
thousands of humanoid-shaped objects.

Picard:
Magnify forward viewer on the alien craft!

Riker:
My God, Captain! Those are human beings floating straight toward
the Borg ship - with no life support suits! How can they survive
the tortures of deep space?!

Data:
I do not believe that those are humans, sir. If you will look closer
I believe you will see that they are carrying something recognized by
twenty-first century man as doeskin leather briefcases, and wearing
Armani suits.

Riker and Picard together [horrified]:
Lawyers!

Geordi:
It can't be. All the Lawyers were rounded up and sent hurtling into
the sun in 2017 during the Great Awakening.

Data:
True, but apparently some must have survived.

Riker:
They have surrounded the Borg ship and are covering it will all types
of papers.

Data:
I believe that is known in ancient vernacular as red tape. It
often proves fatal.

Riker:
They're tearing the Borg to pieces!

Picard:
Turn the monitors off, Data, I can't bear to watch. Even the Borg
don't deserve such a gruesome death!

Things That Will Never Happen
on Star Trek

1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.

2. The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly ok.

3. Some of the crew visits the holodeck, and it works perfectly.

4. The crew is struck by a mysterious plauge, for which the only cure can be found in the well stocked sickbay.

5. A power surge on the bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly trained and competent engineering staff.

6. The crew is captured by a vastly superior alien race which does not put them on trial.

7. The crew is captured by an inferior alien race which they easily pacify with candy and sweets.

8. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but some other ships in the area are able to deal with it.

STARTREK MEETS ROADRUNNER

Captain's Log, Stardate 54324.5: Starfleet Command has directed the
Enterprise to do a preliminary exploration of planet --- in advance of a
full research team. Scanners report the atmosphere to be breathable,
but are receiving confusing readings with regard to life forms. I am
beaming down with a landing party composed of all our chief officers
except for poor Scotty.

Supplemental-1: Redshirt Riley has received a head injury, apparently
while exploring under a high rock shelf. He reports only hearing a loud
sound and jumping before being struck. After examination by Dr. McCoy
he has been judged capable of continuing duty.

Supplemental-2: We have encountered an alien creature on this planet.
While it does not itself seem menacing, an unfortunate occurrence took
place when it was present. Specifically, on my orders Lt. Sulu withdrew
his phaser. The creature disappeared leaving a puff of smoke,
immediately following which a loud noise was heard next to Sulu. Sulu
fired, hitting Ens. Chekov. Oddly enough, although Sulu's weapon was
set to stun, Chekov was also covered with a black powder similar to
soot. Mr. Chekov has been sent back to the ship for examination and
quarantine.

Stardate 54326.2, Mr. Spock reporting: Tricorder readings indicate
that the creature we encountered earlier is constantly moving at great
speed over the surface of the planet. We have encountered the creature
once again. In an attempt to slow the creature for study, I attempted
to fire on it. The creature, however, appeared to move faster than the
phaser beam. Regretfully, the beam struck an outcropping of rock above
the Captain's head, causing it to break off and fall. Although it
appears that several tons of rock fell squarely on the Captain, he was
driven straight into the ground but apparently not seriously injured,
though stunned. The Captain has been beamed up to Sick bay, leaving me
in command of the research party.

Captain's Log, Stardate 54342.1: The creature is still at large on
the planet surface. While Mr. Spock continues to lead a research party
I am currently at work with Mr. Scott on an Acme Pressure Cooker for our
lab, for when the creature is finally apprehended.

Captain's Log, Stardate 54342.3: The strange occurrences that have
dogged the landing party since our arrival at this planet have led me
to believe that the creature is in some way directly responsible for
them. Mr. Chekov and I have both been declared fit for return to duty,
though Dr. McCoy has entered in his medical log that he feels we should
be kept under observation.

Mr. Spock has constructed a device which he suspects should be able to
counteract the creature's incredible speed as follows: We have placed
dish of birdseed out in the open, with several signs pointing to it.
This dish is atop a cleverly concealed trap door, which will open when
any weight falls on it. The creature will then travel a slide,
eventually being deposited in a cage constructed of sheets of
transparent aluminum. We will then be free to analyze it at our
leisure. Meanwhile, I have forbidden all beaming down to the surface of
the planet except on my or Mr. Spock's direct order.

Captain's Log, supplemental: The plan failed. The creature was
indeed lured by the birdseed, as expected. It sped to the dish,
consumed the bait, and sped off without setting the trap. Mr. Spock is
as puzzled as I, and has begun tests to discover the flaw in the design.
I have sent out three search parties to see if we can box the creature
in, one headed by Mr. Sulu, one by Mr. Chekov, and one by Sociologist
Xontel.

Captain's Log, stardate 54342.8: Sociologist Xontel has been
temporarily incapacitated. In pursuing the creature, he and his men
somehow managed to cross the place where Mr. Spock's trap was set just
as he completed the corrections to it. The trap was sprung, and all
four of my men were suspended for a moment in mid-air, puzzled, just
before they fell into the cage we constructed. We are now trying to
release them with phasers, as the lock was inadvertently smashed by the
impact from Sociologist Xontel's foot as he fell. I consider this a
major setback. Mr. Spock considers it "fascinating."

Captain's Log, stardate 54343.4: In an all-out attempt to stop the
creature once and for all, I have had a phaser rifle beamed down from
the Enterprise. The creature has behaved in an extremely cunning
manner, yet I am unsure whether this is a sign of actual intelligence.
Lt. Uhura has been unsuccessful in her attempts to raise Starfleet
Command. Meanwhile, Mr. Scott informs me that our dilithium crystals
are deteriorating at an alarming rate. He has jury rigged a system that
will prevent the decay for a time, but it is imperative that we find new
crystals soon.

Captain's Log, supplemental: Mr. Sulu reports high energy tricorder
reading from an area of the planet in which the creature has not yet been
sighted. He has taken a small party, including Mr. Spock, to the
high-elevation spot from which the readings emanate. I have begun to
analyze the creatures movements. It seems to travel consistently over a
set path. Perhaps we can corner it in a tunnel it seems to pass through
frequently.

Captain's Log, stardate 54344.7: Mr. Sulu has located a cache of Acme
dilithium crystals atop a high cliff. Regretfully, while collecting them,
the edge of the cliff broke off, and he and Mr. Spock plummeted several
hundred feet to the ground below. Strangely enough, they both survived
the fall with no more than raising a cloud of dust on impact, although
they did pass the chunk of rock on the way down and end up completely
buried. A rescue excavation has commenced, and they should be safe
shortly.

Captain's Log, stardate 54344.9: Mr. Spock has beamed up to the ship
with them to assist Mr. Scott in their installation, as he foresees
compatibility problems. Back on the planet's surface, Mr. Chekov led
seven men into the tunnel in an attempt to capture the creature in transit.
A loud BEEP, BEEP was heard, and Chekov aimed the phaser rifle and
commanded his men to spread out. I wish to state for the record that I
would have acted similarly, and that Ensign Chekov should in no way be
held responsible for the unfortunate circumstances arising from the
unexpected appearance of an old Earth-style freight train. He has been
beamed back up to the ship with minor injuries.

Captain's Log, stardate 54345.1: Dr. McCoy has beamed down with a hypo
containing a mixture of kyranide, tri-ox compound, Scalosian concentrate,
a thereagram derivative, and some other items he found in unmarked
containers in Sick bay. By injecting a small amount into each member of
the landing party, I hope to be able to deal with the creature at its own
high speed terms.

Captain's Log, supplemental: The latest experiment to deal with the
strange creature has failed. As Dr. McCoy was injecting a measured does
of the compound, it abruptly appeared behind him and uttered a loud BEEP,
BEEP! Dr. McCoy, understandable flustered, accidentally pressured in the
entire contents of the hypo into his arm. A full security team is in
pursuit of him, waiting for the effects of the drug to wear off.

Captain's Log, stardate 54345.2: I have ordered the landing party
transported back to the ship. The new dilithium crystals have been
successfully installed. On my responsibility, the ship is preparing to
engage main phasers to attack the creature, which continues on its
semi-erratic course across the planet's surface.

Captain's Log, supplemental: This is a warning to all other starships
that may pass this way. Do not approach this planet! The illogical
events occurring here are too much to overcome with simple science. If
you have heard the events transcribed in the rest of this log, you will
learn that this creature is nearly undefeatable. We channeled full ship's
power through the phaser banks. Theoretically, the creature should have
been destroyed; hover, the energies were too much strain for the Acme
crystals. The full force of the phasers backlashed over the Enterprise,
engulfing her completely. At first, the only noticeable effect was a
complete failure of all systems save emergency gravity and life support.
Then a web of black lines spread through the Enterprise's superstructure.
Next, the ship began breaking up, piece by piece, falling through the
atmosphere to land on the surface of the planet. When the ship had
collapsed entirely, my crew was left hanging in space for a short time,
and finally each of us began to fall to the planet below. We have no
theories on how any of us survived, but every crewmember has reported
nothing more than a sense of uneasiness, followed by the realization that
they were several hundred miles up in the air, a sinking sensation, and
then a gradual drop: first the feet, then the body, and finally the head,
usually wearing a resigned expression of perplex. We are attempting
now to communicate with the creature in the hopes that it will prove
intelligent. Perhaps we can communicate our peaceful intentions to it.
Mr. Spock has constructed a crude rocket launcher from the wreckage of the
ship, and with this we hope to send the recorder marker up into space,
where hopefully someone will find it. Captain James T. Kirk, recording.

Here's a story I found on-line (one of many like this one)

An amateur pilot was arrested in the UK for flying under Tower Bridge in London. When contacted by the Air Traffic Controllers he identified himself as Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. When he was asked if he wanted to say anything on his own behalf before the judge passed sentence, he pretended his wallet was a Star Trek communicator, whistled, and said "Beam me up Scotty."

In my country, there was a search last summer for a missing ship. They contacted the Coast Guard requesting assistance and identifying their ship a the Enterprise, (and as I recall) Italian registry no 1701. After 16 hours, I suppose word got to someone who knew Trek and the search was called off.

True story

88 Reasons Why Sisko Is Better Than Everyone


1. He managed to blackmail a Ferengi (Emissary)
2. When Klingons attack him he not only kicks their ass but gets them to surrender
3. His son isn't a snot-nosed geek
4. His XO wears a cool earring
5. He has never, ever been split into a good and evil half
6. After being critically wounded he still has a sense of humour
7. Janeway worshiped a god. Kirk fought a god. Picard became a god. Sisko has done all three with style.
8. His lectures make southern Baptist preachers jealous
9. Can lay out a guilt trip like no other
10. Hasn't been beaten in hand to hand combat.
11. Drinks Klingon Coffee (rakatajino) instead Earl Grey or wimpy human coffee.
12. First Officer has never betrayed the Federation
13. Has a Doctor that doesn't mind killing a couple of Klingons before breakfast.
14. One word: Defiant
15. Sisko's girl came back even though it meant a jail sentence
16. After a Klingon killed his friend, Sisko kicked his ass really hard
17. He and his crew took on a Klingon fleet.
18. His enigineer never had to go to the academy because he is SOOOOOO good.
19. He can out Ferengi the Ferengi.
20. His science officer has found anomalies boring.
21. He lost his true love to the Borg not some wimpy Klingons or Q
22. After fighting the Dominion he went and got a new ship. After five years Kirk got the same ship with a software upgrade.
23. When he say, "fire a spread of torpedeos" Worf fires more than one
24. He managed to SAVE his son from the Klingons.
25. He actually realizes that there is no up and down in space
26. Worf wouldn't live much longer if threatened to kill Sisko where he stood
27. Q came to DS9 once and was scared away. He won't leave Janeway or Picard alone.
28. Two words: Quantum Torpedeos
29. Sisko makes a better Klingon than Worf
30. Plays baseball instead of reading Shakespeare
31. Fought gentically engineered soldiers (Jem'Hadar) in hand to hand and not only won but gained their respect.
32. When he chases Maquis in to the badlands he doesn't get lost
33. His XO fought the Cardassians and won.
34. His Bartender doesn't wear silly hats
35. When he opens fire nothing survives
36. His ship has armour.
37. He lets Worf get violent
38. Not only did he help build the Defiant, but he can cook too
39. His son actually looks like him
40. He can get his unifroms tailored.
41. Destrying Klingon ships is a hobby
42. He has never been captured by the Cardies
43. O'Brien and Worf prefer him to Picard
44. When Admirals go crazy he holds them at phaser point. Picard just talks to them in a stern voice
45. Starfleet listens to him instead of the other way around
46. He was prophecied
47. He has fought enemies that would make Kirk cringe.
48. If you are lying he will tell you so.
49. Sisko was scared once. He didn't like it and has never been since
50. He saves the Federation on a daily basis.
51. When someone betrays him he promises to hunt them to the ends of the universe
52. He knows what a hot dog is.
53. When he was only a commander he had the most powerful ship in the fleet
54. Death is scared of him.
55. Kirk has to slingshot around the sun. Janeway and Picard are sucked into temporal rifts. Sisko has an orb that is safe, clean and quick.
56. He never had to steal his cloaking device
57. His XO looks good in leather.
58. Both Janeway and Picard have been stuck in the Delta Quadrant. Sisko knows better
59. He holds a grudge
60. He always shoots to kill
61. When he gets angry he makes Klingons cry
62. Sisko saved Kirk's life from a tribble
63. He is a major figure of Earth History.. twice. (Gabriel Bell and Ben Sisko).
64. Has crossed over into parallel universe. Not scared. Did it again.
65. Avery is by far the best first name of a ST Captain's actor.
66. Only person who doesn't get weak in the knees just looking at Terry Farrell
67. Only person on DS9 not afraid of Kira
68. Used to hang out with Curzon Dax
69. Can throw a killer fastball.
70. Is a GOOD Dad
71. He sets the fashions for the Federation (Generations - Voyager)
72. He beat ex-terrorist Bajoran military at guerrilla warfare (The Seige)
73. He'll never spend an episode wondering if he should have had a family
74. His security officer would have a reasonable explanation for growing a ponytail between episodes
75. He underwent torture by dehydration in a Polo-neck! (Paradise)
76. He overturned centuries of Cardassian legal precedent by walking into a courtroom and just looking at the judge (Tribunal)
77. Tests show, if he doesn't get his own way, he'll collapse the wormhole (The Search, Part II)
78. When Picard falls in love, complex ethical reasons prevent him from continuing . When Sisko fell in love , the only thing that stopped him was her being a figment of somebody else's imagination (Second Sight)
79. He survived Wolf 359 without being on the Borg's side (Emissary)
80. Picard's entire command crew would NEVER all go to his quarters for a meal (Picard had cooked himself (Equilibrium)
81. He trashed a gambling joint with his Science Officer (Rivals)
82. He's the equivalent of Moses in the Bajoran Religion
83. Omnipotent, shmomnipotent . He punched Q instead of hiding in his ready room. (Q-Less)
84. He shrugged of a Klingon's headbutt, roared, hit the Klingon off a console twice and flipped him over his back (Invasive Procedures)
85. Nobody escapes from the Jem'Hadar . Except Sisko . Twice (The Jem'Hadar - The Search, Part II)
86. Rearrange these words into a well known phrase or saying : Device, Cloaking (The Search, Part I - Defiant)
87. Starfleet ordered Picard to take command of the Enterprise, Sisko ordered Stafleet to give him the Defiant (The Search, Part I)
88. Picard is a major figure in the Federation, Sisko is a major figure in Earth history (Past Tense, Part II)

And the poor crew of Italian sci fi nerds all drowned while waiting to be rescued. After some time, they tried to get their impulse engine (aka: their outboard engine) back online, but once their structural integrity field failed, their mighty vessel was doomed.

you mean they were on some kind of .... sea trek? boldly fishing where nobody has fished before?

Mistress_of_evil is lending a helping hand again...

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the ship,
The consoles were silent, not even a blip.
The Phasers were hung by the stations with care,
In hopes an intruder soon would be there.
The Ensigns were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of rank pips danced in their heads.

Janeway in her chair, and Chakotay in his,
Had just settled down for a long night shift.
When up from the viewscreen there rose such a clatter,
Each jumped from their chair to see what was the matter.
When what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But a great big red sleigh and eight tiny Reindeer.

The sleigh was warp-capable, all shiny and bright,
That gave Lieutenant Torres fits of delight.
The driver was clad in all white and red.
And he pressed a big button attached to his sled.
A transporter beam shimmered and gleamed,
As onto the bridge, Santa Clause beamed.

He marched up to Janeway and said with a smile,
"I know that you won't be getting home for a while,
So I'm bringing your gifts to Voyager instead."
And suddenly with a shake of his head,
Santa produced a large sack-full of gifts,
For all of the crew on all of the shifts.

For Janeway, a puppy with little brown spots,
For Neelix a set of brand-new cooking pots.
The Doctor an Emitter to have as a spare,
Seven a red-and-green catsuit to wear.
Chakotay a pocket-sized firestarter kit,
(One that doesn't need hair to be lit)

B'Elanna was given new engineering parts,
For Tom a holodeck program with darts.
Harry a book on how to date Seven,
(First dates are covered in chapter eleven)
Tuvok got a new meditation lamp,
Then with a grin Santa sped up the ramp.

With a wave of his hand, and a jerk of his head,
The shuttlebay was filled up with shuttles again.
The kitchen was stocked up with Alpha-quad food.
(Santa knew Neelix's cooking wasn't that good)
And presents were transported to all of the crew.
But before they could say even a single thankyou,
He pressed a button and said "One to beam down."
Then to his sleigh, Santa beamed with a bound.
He shouted as the sleigh warped out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to all, to all a good night"